obesity !!

Finally faced the truth about my body. It isn't the first time I've done it, but now my legs/knees are buckling and revolting under the pressure of carrying around too much weight, anD my age doesn't help either. Years of evading mirrors are over, I hope. Soooo, I did what any other person might do, I sought help. Not Weight Watchers, although I know it works, but this obese woman needs more monitoring and one-on-one education (also more expensive, of course!).
We can put space stations out there, we can do amazing things in the medical arena, we can make things out of plastics, why can't we make lettuce taste like chocolate?
And why can't we find more complimentary words to describe people like me? Fat, obese, pleasantly plump, big boned, what's that all about? Only a real thin person could have come up with the word obese! Add insult to injury and call me MORBIDLY OBESE !!
So, here I am, facing a hard cold truth, turning 60, legs gone bad from transverse myelitis, along with arthritis, and now too much skin with stuff inside it!
WHAT NOW LORD !!

new year - new opportunities

In case we can't do it on our own, the calendar starts again, a new january, a new february, et cetera. I am reminded that a new year brings 365 clean slates. How lucky am I? Or is it really luck? Maybe not. Could it be God whispering, "okay, another opportunity is yours! what are you going to do with it?" We are all called to make the most of each day, it's our choice. Will it be a day filled with positive statements and observations, or will we look toward the dark and contribute to the negativity that can surround us? We see what we expect to see, we attract what we are - we are more powerful than we will ever know.
So I kneel at the foot of the cross and repeat, whatnowlord? it's all good, as Julian said, "All shall be well."

re: welcome 2011

well, made it into another opportunity. made it into a new year, a new decade, what now Lord? A clean slate, 365 chances to live each day being true. How many days will I succeed to follow God's will for my life? How many days will I be able to keep my ego from getting bigger than my faith? How many days will I be able to listen more than talk, to smile more than frown, to be gratefull more than selfish? How many opportunities will I take to say I'm sorry, to look for the good, to forgive, to look at the bigger picture? If left just to me that answer would be overwhelmingly against me, but if I walk the days with God, then my chances just got better. WhatnowLord?

re: where is the joy?

in many ways I really dislike Christmas. For one, there's the rushing around, trying to find the right gift for that right person. Secondly, there's the uneasiness in the pit of my stomach that tells me I am wasting my time somehow. It is hard for me to go shopping, I have to use a walker, I get tired quickly, the cold on my legs brings new pain. So, it's just no fun at all,and I spend more time than I like looking thru catalogs. Just no fun.
Then there's the sadness that lingers on the sidelines, the void of those not around the tree this year, the people I love that I will not be able to hug and wish a Merry Christmas. There are little holes in my heart.
I find myself saying, "this time next month it will all be over", and that makes me feel better somehow.
And then I receive a note from an old friend, a brother I met thirty years ago when he entered the Order. And in his note he speaks of joy, and I feel better right away.
"Joy in life, joy in holiness, joy in relationships, even joy in suffering is a great gift of God, a mark of a life well lived and a faith well nurtured. Fame, success, self-esteem, health, happiness are transient, but joy - real joy - grows deep and endures." Thank you Lord, for friends who remind me of the true spirit of Christmas!

Hello Winter !

Today I visited a very "old" friend. She's so old that her daugther is mothering her thru a temporary setback. We laughed and prayed together. We remembered the years when our hair was much darker. We shared our faith and our fears.

The cold doesn't feel as bad when I am with someone and the quality of our time is precious. God calls us all to "be there" for each other. We shared the reading in the Forward for today. "in the sharing we honor one another's humanity and cherish the time we have together. And, in the process, God's precious gift of friendship assumes a sweet intensity we might not otherwise have known."

It's all good. Thank you God.

the steam of July of '10

The humidity and heat of July of 2010 is not my friend. But the summer began wonderfully with a long weekend retreat at Holy Cross. A great way to begin the summer, a way to purge the old, and acknowledge and bring in the new, to revive a spirit, to take deep breaths and just say outloud "what now lord!!".

And so I hold on to whatever, whoever, my husband, my son/daughter, my walker, my cane, and I keep on going. Blind faith is a bitch sometimes. But that's all of have sometimes, and even for that I am grateful. So, WhatNowLord? Guide me, give me the grace to get out of the way, and follow.

april showers bring may flowers! the flowers have arrived, some waiting to be planted. but the showers persist. the rain is not my friend. My legs do not like to move generally, but with the dampness and rain they are static characters. I must remember each day to start over, my legs need to move, and so I walk on the treadmill, let's wake up legs, I scream to them! And so it goes, again. I always must remember my blessings, after all I have legs, when I look down they are there, I am blessed... what now lord?