am i invisible?

I wonder sometimes if I'm invisible. It would seem so, sometimes. I have to walk about a block to my building from the parking lot. Because I am unsteady walking long distances and being on uneven ground, I use my faithful walker. I call my walker my Snazzy Mercedes. It has wheels and brakes,. It is interesting to observe people going to the same building. Some will rush ahead when they see me, so they don't have to share the intersection wiith me. Their discomfort as seeing me is palpable. You can see it on their faces. Oh, boy, that lady makes me feel uncomfortable, let me get ahead so I don't have to acknowledge her, or hold the door open for her. if I just move a little faster maybe I won't have to make eye contact with her.

I smile and say good morning anyway. I observe that the people rushing in to pay their PSE&G bill, the people of Camden are more likely to hold the door open for me, than the suited people headed to work. Very interesting dynamic. How the Lord uses me. Sometime I can tell the perosn who has the change of heart midway through the intersection and decides to slow down to make sure I don't get hit by a car, kinda like what would their mother say type of reaction, a second thought. Very interesting. WhatnowLord?

The case of the why bothers

When one is handicapped it is easy to feel the why bothers. It will take too long to get out of the car with my walker and get into the store, when all i need is milk, why bother. It will take me too long to cross the street, why bother. Going to the mall is scary when I am alone, why bother. Going to the movies alone, something I used to love to do, but now, why bother. Going to a concert with all the extra work, going into my favorite restaurant at work, where there are many lines and lots of people, I will be in the way, why bother.

WHY BOTHER, you say? Well, just because, number one - I'm worth the bother. God does not make junk, right?

And so I put the why bothers away in the closet and in late February I flew to Florida where I met an old friend, and together enjoyed five great days at a spa! How cool! Massages, facials, pampering, hot spring pools - I'm worth it. I bothered - and it was all good.

This past weekend I escaped to Holy Cross Monastery on the Hudson in West Park, New York. A peaceful haven of prayer and solitude, and some great food! I bothered, and it was good.

Why bother - well, because I can and I must. God still calls me to be all I can, and it's worth the bother. God carries me!! I stil start my day calling out, WHATNOWLORD?

Do you Best!

2 Timothy says ,concentrate on doing your best for God, work you won't be asahmed of, laying out the truth plain and simple... (according to Peterson). It is not easy using a walker and limping into the courtroom sometimes. I know a lot of people are looking at me and wondering what happened. Some have looks of pity on their faces, and others ask me why I work. I was never asked why I worked when I was able bodied, but a walker sometimes gives the permission for that question to come forth. I work because I can, because I have been blessed with a skill that is unique and that I do with my moutn shut! Some consider that a big blessing. I work because I am intent on lisitening, and while listening and watching the parties I can pray. Who can beat that??

what now Lord?

It has been just a short time since my life as I knew it, my "normal" life changed forever. It was May of 2007, memorial day, and as I packed to head to the casino for a day of spending money I didn't have, capped off with a facial and massage at the casino spa, a crippling pain, the feeling of a steak knife ripping down the entire length of the back of my leg sent me to the floor. I would never again be the same. As the pain consumed me, I only could yell, WHAT NOW LORD!?