in many ways I really dislike Christmas. For one, there's the rushing around, trying to find the right gift for that right person. Secondly, there's the uneasiness in the pit of my stomach that tells me I am wasting my time somehow. It is hard for me to go shopping, I have to use a walker, I get tired quickly, the cold on my legs brings new pain. So, it's just no fun at all,and I spend more time than I like looking thru catalogs. Just no fun.
Then there's the sadness that lingers on the sidelines, the void of those not around the tree this year, the people I love that I will not be able to hug and wish a Merry Christmas. There are little holes in my heart.
I find myself saying, "this time next month it will all be over", and that makes me feel better somehow.
And then I receive a note from an old friend, a brother I met thirty years ago when he entered the Order. And in his note he speaks of joy, and I feel better right away.
"Joy in life, joy in holiness, joy in relationships, even joy in suffering is a great gift of God, a mark of a life well lived and a faith well nurtured. Fame, success, self-esteem, health, happiness are transient, but joy - real joy - grows deep and endures." Thank you Lord, for friends who remind me of the true spirit of Christmas!
I remind myself of joy every day. It is necessary. It is vital. It's unavoidable. There is so much of it. I try to remind my partner, Elaine, who spends most of her time complaining about the half-empty glass that it's jast as much full as empty at any given moment...and there's great balance in the disorder anyway. I was wondering today what I hadn't yet done to prepare for CHristmas - I mean REALLY prepare....not the crap - the real stuff. The Soul - The spirit. I don't know the answer yet - but I imagine there is great joy in it, whatever it is and I am also sure that it will appear when I'm not looking. It usually does. Love and Joy come to you and to you glad CHristmas too.
ReplyDelete-KAren Murdock